Today marks me and Hubby’s 14th wedding anniversary. Plus 3 years of dating prior to equal 17 years of being together. And if you’ve been following along, it has been a somewhat tumultuous 17 years.
We loved and fought passionately in the beginning. We moved across the county, we had three children, two of whom are disabled, we’ve been through infidelity and come out the other side. We’ve been in counseling together and separately. We’ve had to learn how to fall in love again.
Marriage is not for the feint of heart. And if you aren’t really into working hard on relationships, you should probably just not get married. Because once you do, the undoing of that union is devastating, heartbreaking, and sometimes worse than the reason for divorce in the first place.
A few months after I found out about Hubby’s infidelity, the other woman reached out to him about something (I don’t even remember what it was at this point) but it set me off. In my mind, it was an off-limits topic for them to be discussing. I decided right then and there that I needed to see her face-to-face.
I was nervous beyond comprehension. I had promised myself that I would not cry, or apologize, or accept any responsibility for what happened between them, at least not to her. She had been my friend and I wanted to know how she could do that to someone I thought she considered me a “friend” as well. But the truth is, I don’t think she ever considered me a friend. I think she was using me to get closer to Hubby. I can only see that now and it’s most likely due to the fact that I am still so angry at her. I forgave her for my sake. Because I needed to move on. But I still hate her. I left that meeting feeling lighter myself and sorry for her life that she had so thoroughly fucked up. I felt like I had said what I needed to and had done so with as much respect for her as I could muster. And yes, I both cried and I believe, apologized to her which still chaffs me to this day.
Hubby told me that about a week after I found out about the relationship and he had ended it with her, she came crying to him asking if she had been a mistake. I want to say to her today, YES! 1000% you were a mistake. He never would have picked you, you were just convenient. And available. I was so lost in my own grief and depression I couldn’t see what Hubby was going through. I couldn’t be the solid rock he needed and that I always had been for him.
He and I have always been meant for each other. We are living a life we didn’t dream of, a life full of grief and plan B’s. But we both continue to fight to find happiness and gratitude within our relationship and family. Our love is a choice, made every day, every moment. It is a love we have fought for. It’s not a fairy tale, it never was. But it is a true love story and there is no one on this planet I would rather cheers to 14 years with.
Love you babe.